Day One
I have a journal. It's not my journal, because the Weevils won't give the damn thing back, but I have one and I'm going to use it to record the events of my incarceration (yeah, incarceration- don't judge my word use) in the damn sewer system of Chicago just in case I never make it back to the surface, because it could happen. I could totally snap and become Swamp Thing or mutate into something with scales... I COULD BECOME A CROCODILE MAN. DOES ANYONE WANT THAT ON THEIR CONSCIENCE? ....I don't know who that was directed to, but considering I've been here four hours and no one has decided to come rescue me, someone is to blame here.
Fine. But if I mutate into a crocodile person and emerge from the sewers to eat your children, don't say I didn't warn you all.
Day Two
They apparently harvest crocodiles here for the carnivorous creatures to eat. If there's a substance here that might make me mutate, please make it mutate me into something less tasty.
Day Three
There are pig men in the sewers. No big deal. Except one of them apparently has wings.
....I hate my life.
Day Four
Winged Pig Man has a wife and kids. His little winged piglets have decided they like me and stalk me no matter where the hell I go- yes stalk, not follow. There is stalking involved here.
I'm pretty sure they can smell fear.
Vaguely related, I have an intense craving for bacon.
Day Five
Tried to get my actual journal back from the Weevils today, because the Doctor probably did something stupid and I need to know what's going on up there. The Weevils are apparently very concerned for my continued mental health, which means something really bad is going on up there. I may have freaked out a little. They may have given me "calming" tea.
....I'm pretty sure tea isn't supposed to make me feel like- Oooh. This pen. It's so pretty. How does it manage to stay so shiny after a week in the sewers? OOH! It's my friend the hydralisk! Maybe I'll just go and give it a hug.
Day Six
I have simultaneously developed an aversion to mushrooms and desperately want to know what kind they put into that tea, because... Damn.
...No one is coming after me, are they? You guys fail at dramatic rescues. When I get back, I'm going to pout at you all. YES, POUT. FEAR MY POUTING.
Day Seven
Remembered that I still need to get back to the surface at some point. Somehow this amounted to an impromptu interpretative dance to "A Part of Your World" in the middle of town hall.... Or what amounts to a town hall in the middle of the damn sewers. Whatever.
...If you were wondering, that whole dance number? Toootally because of another few cups of the "calming" tea. Several cups, in fact. I was stoned out of my mind. Really.
Day Eight
I was reminded of the fact that the Doctor never fixed things in Gary, Indiana, so today I set out to make my way through the sewers to fix things.... Through thirty miles of sewers. Thankfully, the hydralisk knows a few shortcuts. The hydralisk is a pretty cool guy once you get past the teeth and the general OH GOD WHAT IF IT EATS MY FACE-ness of it.
Not a very thrilling conversationalist though.
Day Eleven
Made it to Gary, Indiana. Did not go as well as I planned... In fact they pretty much kicked me out on my ass. Apparently, big conspiratorial government conglomerates that are polluting happy little mushroom-growing communes don't really like it when a guy who looks like the sewer equivlenent to Grizzly Adams walks in and demands some fucking service.
...Maybe I can convince the hydralisk to come in with me.
Day Eleven (Two hours later)
Hydralisks are very convincing.
Day Twelve
Met a bog unicorn. Very weird-looking creature, but friendly and cute in a... Freakish way. His name is Ferdinand. I had a really lengthy discussion with him about.... Well, I don't even remember, but he was a better conversationalist than the hydralisk. Don't judge me- at least he thinks I'm funny.
...Shut up.
Oh hey, apparently if you leave your journal somewhere for awhile, it comes back to you. I just found my real one. Jesus, it's been almost two weeks, God only knows what could have happened....
......JESUS H. CHRIST ON A FUCKING POGO STICK.